We at the Workman Blog love to celebrate writers of all kinds, but particularly those with vibrant, eccentric lives outside of their literary pursuits. So when it came time to write a blog post in celebration of National Poetry Month (it’s April!), we knew there was only one place to turn for poets whose first calling isn’t necessarily words: celebrities.
The Anthology of Really Important Modern Poetry is just that: a collection of “poems” by some of the preeminent public speakers of our day, from Charlie Sheen to Sarah Palin and everyone in between. Below, some choice examples of brilliant verse…by people who really should learn to think before they speak.
“After Winning an Oscar for the Film Titanic,” by James Cameron
This is for a real event that happened when real people died
and shocked the world in 1912 and I’d like…
to do a few seconds of silence
in remembrance of 1,500 men, women and children who died.
You really made this a night to remember in every way.
Now let’s party ’til dawn!
“My Recipe for Raising Kids,” by Ivana Trump
My recipe for raising kids:
I encourage my children to try new things.
As much as I tell them they can do anything,
I don’t want them to engage in pastimes that have no future.
xxxxxThe other day, Ivanka came to me and said
xxxxxshe wanted to enroll one afternoon in field hockey.
xxxxx“Ivanka, that’s a boy’s sport. There’s no future in it for you.”
If Ivanka wanted to do karate, fine.
Field hockey she doesn’t need.
Golf, I think, is a perfect sport, but fencing? I’d say,
xxxxx“Kid, don’t waste your time.”
Ice skating is great exercise and it’s social.
xxxxxYou won’t get many phone calls to play field hockey,
xxxxxbut ice skating you can do in New York
xxxxxat the beautiful Wollman Rink in Central Park
xxxxxwhich their father and I rebuilt during our marriage.
The Anthology of Really Important Modern Poetry was curated by Kathryn and Ross Petras and is on sale now. Visit the Petrases at their website, Stupidest.com, and follow them on Twitter @TeamStupidest.