Humor & Impulse


Excerpted from Bunmi Laditan’s bestselling Toddlers Are A**Holes.


Eight nights of gifts sounds harmless until you consider the fact that toddlers believe that anything that happens twice will continue indefinitely. Jewish parents need to prepare themselves for chaos on night nine. Your child will be shocked that the presents and jelly doughnuts aren’t a regular thing. You spend enough money on your toddler year-round; feel free to phone this one in. Consider divvying up one large gift to last the entire holiday.

Chanukah Gift Suggestions:

★ An eight-count box of crayons. One crayon per night.
★ An eighty-count box of diapers. Ten diapers per evening.
★ An eight-count box of granola bars.
★ Eight individual Band-Aids.
★ Four pairs of socks. One per evening.

Important Note: Nothing brings a community together like a house fire, but it can be costly. If you’re going to have a menorah with a toddler around, use the electric version.

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