A teaser of Wendy Davis’s inspirational essay, excerpted from Kelly Jensen’s Here We Are: Feminism for the Real World. How have you dealt with big setbacks? Join the conversation using #HereWeAre.
On the morning of November 5, 2014—the morning after the biggest and most public “fail” I have ever had—I pulled myself out of my hotel-suite bed, and prepared to go to my Texas gubernatorial campaign headquarters for the last time. Fifty or so of the most vital members of my team, people who had worked tirelessly for the past year, would be gathered there. What will I say to them? I wondered. We had come together, believing with our whole hearts in what we were working to achieve: restoring the voice of real people to the Texas capitol. And each of us was suffering from the deep disappointment of the previous day’s loss.
I had been in this hotel suite before. It was in 2008, the night I won my long-shot race to be elected as a Texas state senator in what had been considered a safe Republican seat. The suite, at the former historic Hotel Texas, was the one in which President John F. Kennedy spent his final night before heading to Dallas on that fateful morning in 1963. Staying there was meaningful to me; the hotel was both a piece of American history and the site of my greatest political triumph.
How different the morning following my victorious senate election had been! In 2008, I woke up filled with happy adrenaline. In 2014, I suffered the dull thud of a headache, and the beginnings of a heartache. Picking through the mostly uneaten food still spread out on the dining table, I found an empty wineglass, filled it with warm champagne, and took a shot for courage. I pulled on a pair of jeans and headed to the lobby for the drive over to my campaign headquarters on Fort Worth’s south side.
The mood was somber when I walked into the large, dark, windowless, wood-paneled conference room. Not yet knowing what I was going to say, I opened my mouth and something from the most honest part of me tumbled out: “I fucking hate to lose.”
I had been raised that way. Not to swear, but to be driven to compete. My father had a love for games of every sort. And, unlike parents who let their kids beat them, my dad played to win. In doing so, he pushed us to do our best. I’ll never forget his glee when he’d thwack my croquet ball off course on his way to a win; nor the proud look on his face the first time I beat him in a chess match. In each competition, my dad sought to teach us the value of being gracious in both victory and defeat. But, man oh man, was winning better.
I credit the competitive spirit I learned from my dad as my driving force. It’s what helped me scramble out of poverty as a young single mom and put myself on a better path. From the trailer where I once lived with my young daughter, Amber, to community college, and ultimately, to Harvard Law School, the fight he instilled in me got me through some tough times. That desire to always do more, to be my best self at whatever challenge came my way—I wouldn’t be who I am without it.
My journey has taught me that, while it’s easy to see the value of success in winning, tremendous benefits also come from the work involved in losing. Because there is value in fighting for something important to you, even when the outcome is not what you hoped it would be.
To read the rest of Davis’s inspiring essay, check out Kelly Jensen’s new book:
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Forty-four writers, dancers, actors, and artists contribute essays, lists, poems, comics, and illustrations about everything from body positivity to romance to gender identity to intersectionality to the greatest girl friendships in fiction. Together, they share diverse perspectives on and insights into what feminism means and what it looks like. Come on in, turn the pages, and be inspired to find your own path to feminism by the awesome individuals in Here We Are.
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