Wallowing is Good for You

So, remember that holiday we just had, what, two days ago? The flowers, the confections, the greeting cards—the overwhelming feeling of love and affection (or bitterness and heartache) that filled the air. Oh amore! It’s a major emotional hangover. But instead of wallowing alone in the graveyard of regret, missed chances, and what-was-I-thinking, why not pour yourself a shot of tequila, finish off that half-eaten heart-shaped box of chocolates, and flip through Dear Old Love, Andy Selsberg’s brilliant collection of anonymous notes to former crushes, sweethearts, spouses, and the ones that got away. Let the fact that you’re not alone be of some comfort to you. Until then, here are a few entries to get you through the rest of your day.

1-2-3-4-5

Please change your e-mail password. I’m addicted.

PELTED

I’m consoled by the fact that the two of you will have very hairy children.

 

MISSED SOME SPOTS

Wish I could’ve saved some of your freckles, somehow.

 

HAVAIANAS NIGHTS

Your shoes were terrible; I wish we’d dated during flip-flop season.

AN AMERICAN CLASSIC

I liked your roommate better.

 

BACK BURNER

I’m still your plan B, right?

 

SAME BUT DIFF

I’m so miserable without you, it’s like you’re still here.

—

DISCLAIMER: Workman Publishing is not responsible for any contact [including phone, email, or anonymous blog post] you may have with any exes/former crushes/past loves in response to the reading of this post.

–Justin, editorial intern, who has never written anything like this. In his life.