Has parenting a small child left your social skills rusty? Keep this list of friendly talking points—excerpted from Bunmi Laditan’s bestselling Toddlers Are A**holes—nearby and watch the friends roll in!
- Which of your kids is your favorite so far?
- If you were a member of the Donner party, which one of your in-laws would you be most eager to consume?
- What’s the earliest you’ve ever been to McDonald’s?
- I feel like Elsa from Frozen was kind of a bitch. Do you agree?
- How many days are you going on with the same underwear?
- Were any of your kids accidents?
- Do you have credit card debt? How much?
- How many sexual partners have you had?
- Are you available for surrogacy?
- What’s your favorite color . . . of people? Your favorite race.
- Do you like picking scabs?
- Washing your hands after changing a pee pee diaper: Yay or Nay?
- What’s your favorite food to binge-eat?
- Do you babysit?
Look at you, life of the party!
About the Book:
Toddler a**holery is a normal part of human development—not unlike puberty, except this stage involves throwing food on the floor and taking swings at people who pay your way in life. For parents of toddlers, it’s a “you better laugh so you don’t cry” period.
Bunmi Laditan’s hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief—along with the very good news that “It’s Not Your Fault.” Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty-training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and “how not to die inside.” Parents will see themselves in the very funny sections on taking your toddler to restaurants (“One parent will spend their time walking your toddler around the restaurant and outside like a cocker spaniel, while the other, luckier parent will eat alone.”), Things You Thought You’d Never Say That You Now Say As a Parent of a Toddler (“I can tell you’re pooping because your eyes are watering.”), and how to order pizza (“Spend $40 on pizza delivery. Listen to your toddler cry for 30 minutes about how the pizza is all wrong. Watch your toddler take a small bite of crust. Google ‘can anger give you a heart attack?’ Start the bedtime routine.”).
Laditan’s wildly funny voice has attracted hundreds of thousands of fans of Honest Toddler on social media; here she speaks parent-to-tired-parent, easing the pains and challenges of raising toddlers with a hefty dose of adult humor and wit.
Buy the Book
Indiebound | B&N | Amazon | Workman
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